annarr | overflow }

Enjoy yourself.

[he starts to type "I'll be here," but it's still a bit strange to voice. better, for the moment, just to focus on knowing it to be true.]

Is charades the Christmas one?

( luckily, or unluckily, bucky has no shame and answers boldly: )

I love you x

no it's the one where you have to act out something and people have to guess what it is
but I'm not sure which is the Christmas one
which is the Christmas one?

[oh. oh, it's wonderful and it's terrifying and it's probably a good thing that they're having this test run while they aren't in the same room.

there's a long pause as loki runs through all the impulses the words send rushing through him (i love you too; full avoidance; promises, promises; ignoring it completely; no, you don't; oh, you shouldn't).]

That sounds like the Christmas one. They were mad for it in France the first time I was there.

[no, ignoring it isn't right.]

Do you really?

Edited (not enough coffee!!) 2025-06-08 11:45 (UTC)

( it's good that the pause is missed during socializing, or surely, it would have cut very deeply. )

oh then it might be the very same
I'm not sure when you were in France but it's possible

have I shown you anything else?

( rather than pain, this one serves doubt. trust bucky to gaslight himself when it comes to matters of the heart. )

No, petal. You've only ever shown me your proper self.

[had anyone else said, across the centuries? certainly no one else had in a way that slipped under his skin and curled around his heart.]

But there's seeing and hoping, and then there's hearing and knowing.

( now, the doubt settles in. but reassurance takes precedence. )

of course, love
I love you

I love you more than anything else I could possibly think of
I would do anything for you and you alone

[it's there, black and white, over and over. still there when he scrolls up and down in the messages. still there after he closes and opens his eyes.]

Ah, my own, what am I supposed to do when you say such tender things to me?

Will I see you soon?

( he's overly anxious, awaiting the next reply. stomach churning as an ache settles in his chest. even if the exact sentiment isn't reciprocated, it's fine, isn't it? everything is still quite intentioned. loki has chosen him and not some other.

or had he simply made it that easy to begin with?

—no, no. this is already more than what's deserved. asking or expecting more is entitled. and if loki wants sooner, than sooner he should have. )

yes
I'm leaving now

I'll be back soon
maybe 12 min

No need to rush.

[less rush means more time for loki to turn the words over and over, to feel where they fit against the core of himself. less rush means more time to find what his own ought to be.]

May I let myself in?

[all of it would be easier inside a space that felt so definitively like bucky.]

of course, my darling

what's mine is yours

[it's too much. it's never enough.]

I'll be here.

[what a strange thing, to believe that of himself.]

soon

5 more minutes and I'll be there with you

[being in the space helps settle his ragged heartbeat. there's space for him here. his fingerprints are here, the signs of his presence allowed to linger rather than politely scrubbed away.

it suits. it fits. they fit.

and "i love you" is the same warm, living thing as "I'll be there with you." in the abstract, they make his hands tremble. in the concrete, they'll fit into the patchwork of this, them; the desperate joy they're allowing themselves to claim.

he can't stop pacing all the same as he waits, fingers twisting together as his mind works to twist his words into the right order.]

( distress lingers, twisting his guts even as he reminds himself that loki will be there, that loki chose to be there. the value of that shouldn't be forgotten. even a little is more than enough. even something is better than nothing.

when he arrives at the door, he hesitates before reaching for his key, taking a breath, a swallow, and burying the doubt with a well practiced smile.

the lock goes as easily as the door. he will be here. that is enough. )

[the slight scrape of the key brings loki to a halt in the middle of his circling, shoulders tense and attention focused on the door. it isn't as if there would be anyone else politely letting themselves in, but the sight of bucky nevertheless brings a relieved slump to his spine, lips twitching unconsciously toward a crooked smile for a moment.]

--you're here.

[it's none of the things he'd meant to say. it's what matters.]

( the coy slant of his head echoes the sentiment as he enters and shuts the door behind. )

Of course. You wanted me here, and so I am.

( keys stashed again, the lackadaisical amble inward reflects the comfort he holds in this space. despite whatever misgivings still lurk, the man he loves so thoroughly is here and was awaiting him. however temporary the need may be, it's still worth fulfilling. flesh hand catching gently against loki's cheek, bucky telegraphs his approach as he leans in for a kiss. )

[the twist in his heart is familiar; the same warm sensation that had been growing with each meandering conversation, each brush of fingers, each moment of seeing and being seen. loki leans without hesitation against the man's hand, lips pressing firmly into the comfort of a greeting kiss.

bucky hasn't minded all the other stumbling. maybe they can stumble through this as well.]

...I always do. [his own fingers catch for the man's shirt, fretful and twisting and seeking an anchor point.] I'd consume all your seconds, if I could.

( huffing with amusement, he remains near, face still hovering within reach. the faint scent of beer lingers in his breath. )

Is time something to be consumed? But I'm here, now. Yours to devour.

( temporally. physically. )

You are.

[it would be easy to just sink into that. the raw nerves would be easy to bury under the solid certainty of falling into each other. loki lets his fingers shift, spidering toward fully engulfing bucky in a clinging embrace, face angling to bury in against the man's neck.]

It's the only way I know how to love.

[circling this still feels important.]

( his head cants as he senses the shift of loki's posture to give him space to press in against his neck. hands then settling against waist, a gentle lean finds their heads connected. )

Devouring? But won't I eventually be spent? Fully consumed?

( he isn't entirely sure if that's good, but that loki speaks to some sort of love at least quells some anxiety. )

[the apartment itself is a comfort. being curled here, overwhelmed by the sensation of proximity to the soldier, is somehow even more of one.

loki nods slightly, careful not to dislodge either of them from being pressed into place.]

Will you be patient with me? While I learn it properly?

( his thoughts struggle to make sense of what is meant between devouring and now the request of patience. for devouring? that wouldn't make sense. unless loki means love? what does that even mean, though? loving properly? does bucky even know how to do that either? )

I'm not even sure if I know how to. But I'd never be impatient with you. Every moment with you is a gift. One that I cherish dearly, no matter what we are going through.

[his shoulders relax a little further, although his arms stay tight in their embrace. a shift allows him to press a fervent little kiss against the nearest skin he can reach, throat or jaw.]

You do it beautifully, you know.

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shhh ilu is okay bb 😚

ty ty ;;

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